i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
