youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
