woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
