just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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