I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fuck appropriateness.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
