My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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