good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
