i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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