he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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