I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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