I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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