he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He did a backflip because drugs
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
