I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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