my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The best revenge is premature balding
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
