Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
