yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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