I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
