you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
handjob tips. give me some.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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