When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
