i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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