If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
