6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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