I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
