are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
