ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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