i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you