Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Randomize
