I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...