I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
