Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
