Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
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he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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