Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
