I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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