oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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