I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
