he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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