put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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