The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My feet surprised me
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