guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
