I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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