after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
