yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
