I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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