Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
