that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
