you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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