I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
