Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
