I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize