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• (248): View more from Michigan

  yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone

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• (315): View more from New York

  well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Valid question

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  re read what you just said

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.

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