Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
