i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
