I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
