I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If I die, sorry about rent.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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