dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize