...so i touched it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
