I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
