I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
