I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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