Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
