Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
