just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
