I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
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the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
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they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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