whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
