Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
