you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
