next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
