we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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