Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
