It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
