I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That accounts for only three of the penises
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
