If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
