he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
