rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
