I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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