Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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