i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
