i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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