When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We need a shit load of segways right now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
