Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dick very happy bro
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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