Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
