Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
