I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
