Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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